Denial Syndrome
Day one;
I awoke in a dreary state
curiosity on my mind
and a sweet sensation burning in my blood
I conversed with the walls
discovered a gold mine of dreams
moved in on my prey with stealth-like devotion
found out what a breath of clarity means
and a truth waiting on the horizon
So, in spite of my convictions
I still sent post cards in my head to my long lost friend, make-believe
before setting out towards sunset skies
of crushed up dreams and bitter goodbyes
I could never forget what you said about all the tragic stories you wrote to yourself in bed
it still feels like you've been around
though you were robbed by every heart in town made of stone
I still can't say I'd do anything for you
this time, I set out for something less engaging
a journey into a lost world
with immunity of falling victim to such a entity
This morning, I awoke in a dreary state
in search of a part of myself I would not hate
Day two;
As I began my exploration to nothing,
I was plagued by a visual exploit, I believe they call 'memory'
deeply perplexed, I ventured back to the day
where secrets slept and fears came alive
you and I met somewhat strangely
an exchange of poison words on a balcony
your eyes begged "look at me" with a bushel of desperation
but I could not tear myself away from your liquid life support scars
Always so tense and alarmed
while posing fluent addresses of an intent to self harm
Little did I know your advice put me to a test
that I might care and find salvation for such a wreck
I think I passed though I also failed
because I fell in love with that girl
we'd lay beneath rain storms and she'd let me know when she cried
I'd hold her while she wept and whisper "Sleep well, butterfly."
these times were beautiful but they also hurt me, you see
but that is a secret well kept in reality
though I will admit that I could never regret her bright eyes
For she would teach me a great lesson in strife
of how not to save a lover's life
Day three;
The memories subsided a bit
as I tried to focus on the fairies ahead of me
but a quote resided in my mind
"Never leave a friend behind."
In anger, I retorted loud in disgust
"You never mean a thing to me," as if she were an act of lust
and I coaxed myself with the lie, hidden in plain daylight
If it helps to kill the pain, I told myself
so in my head, I dubbed her make-believe
and let her take the form of a monster
The thing about monsters though is that they hate confinement
although I was confident she was trapped without a lock or key,
my bitter past caught up with me
she took on a form most terrifying
ravaged me until I could not sleep
shouting things like, "Why would you shut me out like we never happened?"
"How dare you forget about me?"
To a point, she was right
but I was just an ignorant fool
and chose to leave her instead holding onto her memory
instead of mourning, I decided to hate
was it wrong to hate a person lost to fate?
She gave me a taste of how it felt to be left behind
gave me reason to regret my misguided way of healing
Day four;
I think I've had enough time
to figure this all out
my story was more flawed than I originally thought
She showed me the truth
in a dream sequence I didn't ask for
taking me back to the miserable day
that she decided to give her life away
contemplated suicide.
my heart ached for resolution and maybe God
but as I remembered the pain, I also recalled something I missed before
Those faces in the crowd that smirked at her funeral
perhaps they had known something I hadn't
maybe they were the cause behind the flood
that had taken my love and rubbed it in the mud
All this time, I was angry at you
but now I knew the cold truth
you didn't commit suicide
It was all a lie
I saw those three faces, how jealous they were of you
to my surprise, the dream rang true
How could I ever had made a mockery of my only good memory?
I failed to believe the image I made you out to be
Now my journey is now at rest
for I had gained light in the darkness that was shed
Now I could live, but never forget
I wrote this one day after a fight with one of my very close friends. It was a very serious situation, and it just keeps getting worse. I just spilled all my emotions on a piece of paper and it basically somewhat describes the situation.
No Big Deal
I tell myself that it's no big deal,
That these feelings aren't really real.
I say I'm okay and try to live life,
But just seeing you hurts like a knife.
I'm trying to move on, it's no big deal.
But my memories spin on a reel,
That's all that runs through my mind,
I wish I could just hit rewind.
I need to move on, for there's nothing left for me with you.
I can't help but to feel blue.
You've already moved on, so why can't I?
Instead I just sit here and cry.
I tell myself that it's no big deal, life still moves on.
But this doesn't feel right, but so very wrong.
You said you'd love me till the end,
I want this relationship to mend.
My love for you will never disappear.
I just hope things will get better within the next year.
So I guess this is goodbye,
But I don't want to cry.
I keep telling myself no big deal,
When I know that my feelings will always be real.
Please feel free to comment.
(This is meant to be song lyrics. Excuse the slang, and rhyming:) i sounded better in my head, im sure)
Modern Day Medusa
The things your nightmares are made of,
The things hiding in shadows, corners of your mind,
The perfect example of what you hate,
That's everything she is.
Her eyes, don't tell thier beautiful,
Her lies, don't fall for every apology.
Don't let her seduce ya,
Stun you, she's a modern day medusa,
She wants to thrill it up and use ya,
Well don't, she's just the modern day medusa.
A devils' halo burns out bright,
Confuses you right through the night,
You choose to see that she's a saint,
That's everything she'll never be.
Her eyes, don't tell thier beautiful,
Her lies, don't fall for every apology.
Don't let her seduce ya,
Stun you, she's a modern day medusa,
She wants to thrill it up and use ya,
Well don't, she's just the modern day medusa.
She's not the type of girl you take dancing, romancing,
She might like the wine and dine,
As long as your taking her to bed in time,
That's everything she's after.
Her eyes, don't tell thier beautiful,
Her lies, don't fall for every apology.
Don't let her seduce ya,
Stun you, she's a modern day medusa,
She wants to thrill it up and use ya,
Well don't, she's just the modern day medusa.
Don't let her abuse ya,
Don't love a modern day medusa.
Darkness closing in
'till i am suffocated
'til death do us part...
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