Dream

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that Riley and I got back together. It was strange. I don't know where we were, but I complimented his shoes, told him I really liked them. He didn't look like he does now, with his stupid blazer and his scene kid hair with the purple in it and his silly glasses, he looked like the Riley I knew a long time ago. Anyways, I told him I liked his shoes, and he said he'd heard Pam had the same ones. I don't know exactly what happened after that. I told him I kinda missed him, and he pulled me into this amazing kiss. Then we were back together, like an actual couple. And my friends and family scolded me for it, but I didn't care, because I had him back. He held my hand, hugged me, kissed me. It was so great. When I woke up I was so sad. We aren't even friends in real life. I hate that. I miss him so much, and if we could just be friends again, not fuck buddies, not having to hang out every day, not being jealous over Lexi or Layla or whatever, just friends, I would be so happy. But it won't happen. He hates me, like really hates me. Linda and Brandon broke up recently, and he tells me what he thinks of her, that he wishes he'd never met her, and it makes me think of Riley, and if thats how he feels about me. I don't want him to hate me, and call me a cunt behind my back, and all the stuff Brandon does to Linda now. It kills me to think we used to be so close, and thats what he might be doing to me. I want to talk to him, to appologize, and tell him it'll be different, that we can work stuff out and be friends and I'll change, but he won't listen. He dosn't want anything to do with me. But I have other friends now, it'd be better, we'd have more time apart, and it could be so good. I want to talk to him, but in person. I had a chance the other night, but I blew it because I was drunk and angry, and all I said was where are my pants. How stupid is that? I should have asked him how he was doing, what he's been up to, and seen if maybe there was a chance he'd want to be friends again. Maybe I'll talk to him at school. No letters or notes, no texts or facebook messages, I want to talk to him. =/ I'll probably chicken out.

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