i decided i wanted to pull through, for once in my life. so the absence of my highest elevations may leave me with bigger lungs to inhale short breaths with whenever you're around, but my stress level is through the roof. one of the arguments they used to throw at me was that i just didn't care about anything when i was stoned all the time. now i can respond with "but is that really a bad thing?"
it wasn't abuse, it wasn't an addiction. it was just always there.
maybe that makes me sound like i'm defending the worst of habits, but i'm just speaking the truth. everyone smokes pot. it's only a big deal if you let it be. it's only a problem if you make it one.
this might be a good thing, but i can't quite skip the fact that i can think of more negatives that had resulted than positives.
but i guess theres only one way for me to do this: all or nothing. cutting back isn't an option, because my bi-weekly paycheques are still being emptied on marijuana if i'm smoking less, and i will always know that it's there if i'm paying for it. when i don't have any, it doesn't cross my mind as much. put my short fuse is extremely active as of late and instead of mellowing myself out in clouds of smoke i continually attempt to put my fist through the wall.
is this a good thing?
there are those girls. those beautiful, hilarious girls that used to wait for me in the smoke pit every day and now we all but exchange hellos in the hallway. we pass each other by, i let them slip out of my life. without an excuse to make conversation with them, all i've got is memories.
so technically, all i've got is nothing. i ended up with nothing.
but when is it ever different?