Everyone has their poisons, their addictions.

I have lived these few years with a great cross beared across my shoulders, its weight heavy with the knowledge that failure and imperfection coexist so peacefully with success. I've lived these years as if I have lived a hundred more- and as I continue to get older, I realize that I still don't quite fit in anywhere (except maybe with people way too old for me. Like my semi-ex-lover, who was eighteen by the end of our short relationship. God, why'd I even put that in here? What was the point?).

February is a weird month for me. Two years ago, two short, relatively strange years. It seems like yesterday and a lightyear away, all at the same time.

Its strange to think I've changed so much since my dad passed away. Actually, we probably would have gotten along better now than we did (though we were a lot alike then, too. I've always been old for my age). I've fallen in love with his old faves: Iron Maiden, Led Zepplin, The Cure, The Doors. And he definately would have loved some of my own personal playlist choices: The Academy Is.. (especially), The Bouncing Souls, and I probably could have even sold him on My Chemical Romance had he heard a few more songs.

He would have totally digged Stutter, too. It was right up his alley, vengeful writing with a real story (or, at least, I'd like to think so). I only have his journal now, all of his poems seem to have dissipated. Though I wish I could have kept some. His personification of hope in Leaving Hope was incredible....

So. February is a mixed emotion sort of month.

"I carried it with me until that darkness was gone"- Bouncing Souls