Soda Sunday Twenty Five

Everything changed. Everything. It was like hitting rock bottom and having a massive perception change. I wish it were that easy but it's not nearly so cut and dry. I cried for the first time in 4 years this week. Only once, but it was fucking crazy. Also, I've started realizing there's a few areas in my life that need some improvement. I mean, I'm not saying it's time to go nuts, just saying that I'm going to really make sure I'm having fun every day.

This week has been one of the most artistic in a while for me, I've been enjoying writing and record songs like never before. Lyrics have been flying out of me and I'm so inspired right now that it just feels so un forced. When you pay your bills writing music sometime's you lose that 100% pure enjoyment of the art form in exchange for the luxury of eating but this week I've found both. Ironically I think the last 2-3 things I'm working on not only feel good, but I'm pretty sure they're amazing too.

Kombucha is so good.(I like Triliogy & Citrus)

I'm 40 minutes away from the chat(though I'll probably post this afterwards) and I can already feel the negative pushing back from me changing the album around. I'm going to get into elaborate detail during the uStream but I'll say this: no one in the world, I mean no one, wants this record out more than I do. also, no one has worked harder on it than I have over the last 5 years. that being said, while at times it feels like it's a never ending drawn out debacle, I promise that there are many many many things far beyond my control that I can't combat, and that I can only do the best I can to make the best album possible for myself and you. I owe all of you for the unparalleled support and I feel very certain that I don't take for granted our wonderful family, however you have to understand that it's a true give/take relationship we've got here. I know it's annoying having to wait, I know it sucks when I change songs, but the truth is that it's all for good reason(sometime's I agree with the changes, sometime's I don't) but the end goal is to make the most amazing album possible, one that I'm infinitely proud of and also touch as many people as possible. I really feel like we're there now.

Anyway, more important that all of that is that you have to be satisfied with yourself. I've spent such a large part of my life pursuing the respect & admiration of others(ironically half the time I'm the opposite and could care less about what anyone thinks) but I'm going to start trying to appreciate what I do myself. Not to say that I'm some purist who doesn't care about societies intangible yet very real rules of status & aesthetic but at some point I know I'll finally stop caring. I'm not sure if I'll have reached some form of true internal happiness or become a self made billionaire where it really doesn't matter but I do know that either way life will be good.

It's getting cold at night, sweater time. Seems like nothing but heartbreak and loneliness this time of year right? Like, everything just always feels tragic until mid january. Hopefully I'm not alone in this sentiment. Its so weird. I almost think holidays and having your family around brings a ton of happiness, but also a ton of anxieties about conflicts. It's like, easier to deal with things on your own and not in the viewing glass of those who know you beyond your faux shell.

Me like a turtle!

All I know, up's and down's, of which there are many are all good to me because truth be told "i get to:" be here in the first place. Even on my worst day i laugh at all of it, the comedy of everything. small things, big things, south park, hip hop lyrics, awkward situations, and inappropriate jokes. that shit is worth all the money in the word.

Love,
Evan