Stop caring so much about me. I know my limits and I know what I am. I don’t need help want help or get help and it’s not going to change my mind. Leave. Say good night, good bye, because your words aren’t going through to me. You don’t know what it’s like so you can’t understand the why the how and the who behind the what. There is no forever yet, maybe it won’t end but someday I hope it will. I’ve tried..I’ve tried so damned hard. Give up on me…that’s what I’m used to. I’m just the one who won’t listen even though the words cut my soul and I’m the one that can’t stop no matter how hard I try. I know it hurts you. I know you hate it but I’ve tried and I can’t stop. You can tell me it’s wrong, that I’m stupid. You can tell me it’s pointless and that the scars will always be there. You can tell me that it’s not how I was made and it’s not what I am…but if you were me and I still knew all that I knew I wouldn’t say the same to you. You can’t know the pain, the hurt, the anger and the problems that I deal with. You wouldn’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like when the only thing you rely on is the knife and there is nothing else for you. You just don’t know. I love you, I love you all so much and I’m sorry if it’s hurting you and it’s hurting me too. You don’t understand that I do care…I say I don’t and I say I don’t want to stop but I do want to stop…I know I have to stop. But there’s no way for me to have someone 24/7 to protect me from me. There isn’t anyone who can stop their life to save mine. I’m sick of hiding them..I’m sick of the lies but somehow I can’t stop. It is an addiction and I know it’s not healthy. I know I need help and I’m sorry that I do. I know that no one can love me if I’m this damaged but I can’t seem to stop inflicting it on myself. I’m just lost…I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do anymore. I’m EMPTY. I don’t feel and I can’t decide. I want to feel something and I want to release the things that lurk inside of me and somehow I thought I could do that with a knife. I know it’s wrong…I know. I know. I understand and I’m sorry.